You know those days when you just want to take a 5 minute break (more like 5 year break) from your body? We all deal with this feeling at some point but the other day I hit my max. Jared and I were at the hospital and I was having a particularly hard day. We were there for some anticipated appointments that did not go the way we had hoped, and I also knew I needed another infusion because of the pots flare symptoms I was experiencing. AKA I was feeling really crappy, had chest pain, was lightheaded & dehydrated, and also had massive headache.
After the appointments, Jared and I stopped back at the car to grab the hospital bag and medical backpack to get ready to head across the street to the ED (Emergency Department) and I felt drained. I low key begged Jared to just take me home. I knew that I needed to go in and if I didn’t get an infusion I would be fainting all over the place. That wouldn’t be safe at all… I learned that lesson the hard way. Two weeks ago, I was being stubborn and didn’t want to go to the emergency room for an infusion because I hate having to fight for treatment, explain what POTS is, and just deal with all that being in the hospital entails. That night I fell and got really hurt and Jared had to bring me into the emergency room at 5 am. I had another fall during the transfer from the wheelchair to the hospital bed and pulled the front of my ankle and snapped my neck back a second time. My neck and ankle were in rough shape and so instead of a one night admission it turned into a four night admission. So needless to say we did not chance it (despite my pleas) and we went to the emergency room.
It is important to note that I knew we needed to go and Jared did not “make me” go. He was being rational because I was desperate to just give up. I did not want to take care of my body. I wanted to go home and crawl in bed and ultimately disappear. That is not how a chronic illness works though. You can run from it but it will always catch up and run you over. Thankfully I have a husband who fights for my body when I don’t feel I can fight anymore. There are going to be times where we fall short and need others to be strong for us. By continuing to take care of your body (even when you need someone else to take care of your body for you) makes you strong.
God was so good and had gone ahead and put the right people in our path and the night was somewhat smooth (definitely smoother than it could’ve been.) I am thankful that God made a way for me to get treated and have me the strength to take care of my body even when I did not want to take care of it. I want you to know that if you have ever felt this way you are not alone, you are going to make it, and you are so strong. So cheers to staying strong and fighting for your body to be at it’s best even when it’s easier to give up. Just for the record you can fight for your body while dealing with doubt and confusion. Our bodies are expensive and don’t work right so it’s only fair that we want a refund on them, if only it worked that way!
Stay strong my friends!