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Living the Chronic Illness Life

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“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.”⠀ ‭‭John‬ ‭1:5‬ ‭NLT‬‬⠀ ⠀ Joanne, you are a light that shines in the darkness. Not only did your spring launch of masks come out today that you have had planned since January, but your heart to donate to hospitals that need masks makes me so proud to be apart of what you do. ⠀ ⠀ Three out of six of the prints are sold out already but there are still a few left! Swipe to the next picture to see the prints she selected for spring. The link is in my bio if you want to take a look. ⠀ ⠀ Congrats on another successful launch all three have been SO fun! I can’t wait until the summer comes for another 💛⠀ ⠀ #sisters #heart #livingthechronicillnesslife

“Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.””⠀ ‭‭Hosea‬ ‭6:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬⠀ ⠀ Seeing sprouts come through the dirt has reminded me that God is still here. This year the seeds sprouted much faster than expected and I believe that it was one small way that God was reminding me that He hasn’t stopped working. Right now I think it can be hard to see God. ⠀ ⠀ You know, God longs to help us and I think one of the things that for me gets in the way of me believing that He truly does long to help us is when I feel he's being silent. There are times that God is silent, but I have found more often than not the times that I personally am “offended” by His "silence," that He probably isn't really being silent. I’m most likely not choosing to listen.⠀ ⠀ It's in those times where I take those moments and I choose to say, "all right, I'm really frustrated. God, I don't feel like I can hear You, but I'm just going to listen even closer because I know that You’ve got something to say to me." ⠀ ⠀ It's one of those things where, I need to choose to listen and wait for His response. I have to sit here and go, there are probably some really big truths and comfort that He wants to bring to my heart but I'm not stopping and listening.⠀ ⠀ I finished Leviticus today and He has spoken so deeply to my heart with that book. The book that I used to feel was “useless” and “boring.” I took that frustration of what our world is facing and asked Him to bring me peace and clarity, and friends if He can do that so powerfully in Leviticus... imagine what He can do that we miss because we aren’t intentionally looking and listening.⠀ ⠀ He is still victorious. Spring is still coming. He is still here. For more on this head to my bio to check out Episode 33 of the Chronically Cultivating Podcast.⠀ ⠀ #Heismoving #chronicallycultivating #livingthechronicillnesslife

“Then the Lord said to Moses, “Give Aaron and his sons the following instructions regarding the...”⠀ ‭‭Lev‬ ‭6:8-9‬⠀ ⠀⠀ So I was reading Leviticus 6, it’s all about further instructions, meaning that I have already read paragraphs about instructions for all of these offerings + am now reading more.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ I started thinking about all these tedious jobs the priests had. ⠀ ⠀ That’s when it hit me. ⠀ ⠀ The ENTIRETY of their jobs were that they were called to worship God with their life + service. What they were called to do was so repetitious, so time consuming, + pretty much the same old, same old all the time. Even in those things that were so meticulous + repetitive, that's how they were called to worship. This got me thinking about chronic illnesses + how I've felt like my job right now, and the way that I'm meant to worship Jesus, is by taking care of my body.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ Is that the way I want to worship God right now? Not really, but this is how He’s asked me to worship him right now.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ This got me thinking about what our world is dealing with + what precautionary measures we need to be taking.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ There are repetitious, vigilant measures + acts. It doesn't matter if I feel like following them or not, because this IS what I'm called to do: to take care of my body + those around me.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ Right now you and I, in this country + in this world, are called to take care of ourselves + the people around us.⠀⠀ ⠀ Part of that is PRACTICING social distancing + sanitizing. Our quad came up with a plan to handle Jared coming home if he has to go out, how to disinfect packages, mail, and groceries, etc. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ There's SO many things! I know there are times that Jared and I haven’t wanted to do want to do all these extra steps BUT that’s what we're called to do right now.⠀ ⠀ This is our worship. We are glorifying Him by taking care of ourselves and others. I think it will change everything if you're able to look at facing this trying time + social distancing as a way to worship Him.⠀ ⠀ To hear more about this topic click the link in my bio to listen to the most recent episode of Chronically Cultivating!⠀ ⠀ #livingthechronicillnesslife ⠀ #cultivatinginquarantine

“The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”⠀ ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭12:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬⠀ ⠀ ⠀ As Foxy has been aging we know that our time with her is limited. When we got her yesterday, we deemed that we would do everything possible to treasure her time here with us and spoil her.⠀ ⠀ Foxy has NEVER been a cuddler. As she has aged she has been a little more cuddly, but now with the medications she is on she is very cuddly. Jared caught this picture of us when we both fell asleep and had a over 90 minute nap. That has never happened before.⠀ ⠀ Then I tried to get some work done so Jared was cuddling her and she wanted nothing to do with it, she went right back to my feet and wanted me, so we cuddled some more. I have gotten “nothing done” but I got to treasure moments I will carry with me for forever. I will happily choose to do “nothing” when the alternative is to spend my time cuddling her.⠀ ⠀ During this quarantine, it can be a lot to take having everyone home and together 24/7, but I encourage you to treasure these moments home. Life rarely gives us a chance to slow down let’s cultivate what matters during it.⠀ ⠀ How are you cultivating in quarantine?⠀ ⠀ #shibainu #cultivatinginquarantine #livingthechronicillnesslife

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”⠀ ‭‭James‬ ‭1:2-4‬⠀ ⠀ ⠀ For most, if not all of us, our schedules dictate our lives. When I became ill, I didn’t look at what I could do and what I did have, I only focused on what I couldn’t do or didn’t have. This drove me to a place of ultimate discontentment and ungratefulness. I feel like many people can relate to this at a time like this.⠀ ⠀ Here’s a few things I have learned:⠀ ▪️A new normal does not mean that God has thrown away His plan for you.⠀ ▪️A new normal does not mean that you are less than anyone else. ⠀ ▪️A new normal has made you who you are today.⠀ ⠀ When I started living a life on the truth that: I didn’t need a full schedule (more so my former pre-diagnosis lifestyle) to live a full life; I could live a full life right now in this broken body- even on days I wish I could return it. I started focusing on what I had and what I can still do.⠀ ⠀ in this time I can:⠀ ▪️I can still live and lead an intentional, meaningful life right here- even in quarantine ⠀ ▪️I can still worship Jesus in all I do (even if all I do is take care of my body and help protect others)⠀ ▪️I can still love my people well through technology and by social distancing⠀ ▪️I can cherish time with my family while we are home together and/or through group family chats⠀ ▪️I can cultivate new and old meaningful friendships through FaceTime and group messages ▪️I can grow and bloom right now⠀ ⠀ After a poll I did this past week on Instagram, I plan to share with you how I cultivate my days at home considering I’m an ⭐️ OG-at-home-cultivator ⭐️ It was an adjustment, byt I never knew that what God has taught me over the past 3 years would be able to help others learn how to live this way.⠀ ⠀ For an in depth look at how I have done this head to the link in my bio to listen to the Chronically Cultivating Podcast ep 3 #daybyday #cultivatinginquarantine #livingthechronicillnesslife

““Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.”⠀ ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:15-17‬ ‭MSG‬‬⠀ ⠀ Planting seeds is such an act of faith. It requires we prepare for something we can’t see. All we can do is follow what we are told to do to best take care of them. We have to bury them beneath the dirt in the darkness first before they can sprout and bloom into all they were made to be. Right now we are the seeds. ⠀ ⠀ I like to talk about using everything we go through as an act of worship. I try to pray that He would allow me to see the opportunities He presents me with to worship. ⠀ ⠀ Today I had a mini panic over the pandemic at hand. I didn’t see all I still had in the midst of the few things I was losing (which due to technology isn’t even half as bad if we didn’t have technology!)⠀ ⠀ ⠀ I am going to love my family well, enjoy this time with my husband, and FaceTime my friends. I am determined to try to allow joy and gladness to be found in me.⠀ ⠀ You and I are strong, brave, capable and ready to worship Him no matter what the circumstances.⠀ How are you going to use this time to worship?⠀ ⠀ #cultivatinginquarantine #cultivatewhatmatters #livingthechronicillnesslife⠀

“The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.”⠀ ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭58:11‬ ‭NLT‬‬⠀ ⠀ As I look out the bay window I see all my plants and you know what? You and I are a lot like these plants, we have times where we flourish and are blooming, and we’ve all had certain dreams or goals that have wilted and died. Yet somehow today you and I are here... and I’m guessing not everything has gone according to plan (even before the pandemic) and you wanna know what, that’s perfectly alright EVEN in the middle of what we face right now. ⠀ ⠀ When I started looking at this present life, I saw all the things that are going on in the midst of the anxiety we are all facing and that despite it- I am still able to bloom and grow where I have been planted. ⠀ ⠀ Right now many people are living in fear, but if you have Jesus, you can confidently be hopeful knowing that He is BIGGER than all of this. You can grow and bloom even during this pandemic. Be open to growing in ways you never expected to have to grow. Bloom in how you influence those around you. Grow in the security and courage our God has given us in this uncertainty. Tend to those around who feel buried too deep to sprout. As all plants and people alike we both need the Son. We need to bathe our worries, doubt, brokenness in His hope.⠀ ⠀ It is extremely important to take the precautions necessary to keep you and your family safe. Check on your immunocompromised friends and family members as we are at higher risk to catch it. ⠀ ⠀ Ultimately though, I am not afraid. Everyday, I live knowing one infection could take me out (especially while we are in flu season) so this is not causing me to panic. I’m going to do the best I can with the precautions and restrictive measures. I will be praying for our country and communities as we enter this uncertainty. We just have to do our best with what we’ve got + been told to do. Lifting it all to Jesus and using what’s in our hands to worship and glorify Him. ⠀ ⠀ Here’s to living in the victory He has promised us! ⠀ ⠀ #cultivatinginquarantine #livingthechronicillnesslife

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”⠀ ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭17:22‬ ‭NLT‬‬⠀ ⠀ Believe it or not this was the best picture we got today 🤣 we are the WORST at taking pictures but the BEST at making memories! She is my partner in crime (well mainly the instigator of the crimes lol) and I wouldn’t have it any other way. She is the best medicine!⠀ ⠀ Being so far away makes our time together sweeter than ever. I am so inspired by Caitie and yes she is just as mean on and off the court... jk kinda... *anyways* she is an amazing sister, student, and player. I couldn’t be prouder to cheer her on. ⠀ ⠀ She is amazing. I love her. The talks had. The laughs enjoyed. The songs sung. The sleep neglected. The meals shared. The memories made. I cherish all of these moments and all of these bad goofy pictures. ⠀ ⠀ See you in May bae!⠀ ⠀ #sister #partnerincrime #livingthechronicillnesslife

“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” Luke 16:10 How do you keep it so together and live your life all while being positive? First of all I don’t, second I live by the ten minute no shame pity party rule. Let me explain, as humans we cannot keep things bottled up but we also must not let our overwhelming emotions crush us into depression. There has to be a balance. All of our feelings are real and valid, and deserve to be expressed in a healthy manor. Now I am not perfect and sometimes I just need to cry my eyes out for an hour and fall asleep- which is occasionally okay, but I try to stick to the ten minute rule. When I am overwhelmed and need to vent (venting can be in any form: screaming, crying, self loathing, etc.) I give myself ten minutes to freak out. That’s right ten minutes to ugly cry or mope or do whatever the hell I feel like, then after that 10 minutes is up, I need to pack it up and get back on with my life. Then for the rest of the day, I cannot touch the issues that I packed up, and if tomorrow I still need to deal with them I get another ten minutes Before I get comments or private messages about how that is unsafe- I have cleared this method with my psychologist. For me being able to allow myself ten minutes to clear my head and let out all my emotions is helpful, but knowing how to get out of that is important which is why my ten minute limit exists Today I needed my 10 minutes. I needed to freak out and be upset that things aren’t going the way I had planned. I cried and had a panic attack for ten minutes- and I am okay. Why am I okay, because I was able to freak out, mourn things that I have lost and am missing out on, and be vulnerable. Do I feel 100% better- no, but I was able to let all of that frustration go- yes. So where do I go from here and where do you go from here? We move forward day by day, minute by minute, and step by step. We enjoy the good days and get through the bad ones, and if there aren’t any good days right now we will enjoy the little things #livingthechronicillnesslife

“and he will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is Zion's treasure.”⠀⠀ ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭33:6‬ ‭ESV‬‬⠀ ⠀ ⠀ I hate the instability my body creates in my life and schedule, but just because my body is unstable doesn’t mean that I am. ⠀ ⠀ God loves to use our weaknesses for His glory. My body’s instability is a HUGE weakness and this weakness allows God to step in and be my stability in a HUGE way. Any ounce of stability I have is because of HIM not me.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ On Sunday night when I showered, my knee completely failed me again. It was easily the WORST dislocation I have ever had as far as my knee is concerned. I cried not just out of pain but also out of sadness and frustration. I recently moved to part time ministry while continuing to take care of my body full time, and I was frustrated that my plans and to do list are going to be on hold for a couple days.⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ In times like these I am tempted to break down and stress over the fact that my strength isn’t enough. ⠀ ⠀ Here’s the thing though:⠀ ⠀ 📣🌟📣🌟📣⠀ ⠀ I WOULD be RIGHT to break down because the truth is MY strength ISN’T enough and my body IS unstable. ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⭐️The TRUE temptation is not to break down in frustration but to rely on MY own strength...when HIS strength will always be enough. ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⭐️The TRUE temptation isn’t to sulk in the instability my body creates but to allow myself to believe that as a flawed human being living in a broken body that I am in charge of my stability...when only God can offer stability.⠀ ⠀ ⠀ So join me today in receiving this life-giving truth: just because your body is unstable does not make you unstable. Invite God into your weakness today, I promise He will show up wherever you invite Him.⠀ ⠀ #Heisenough #truth #livingthechronicillnesslife

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”⠀ Hebrews 10:24-25⠀ ⠀ ⠀ Tonight was the first Spoonie study of 2020! I am in awe of how amazing God is, and just the wonderful women that He has brought together to fellowship with each week. I cannot wait to continue to get to know you ladies better, and I am so grateful that you are allowing me to be a part of your journey of living the chronic illness life.⠀ ⠀ If you would like to join the spoonie study as we go through the book “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way” by @lysaterkeurst it is not too late to join! Click the link in my bio to learn all about the study, what it entails, and see the reading schedule so you can catch up! Tomorrow there will also be a video summary and written summary from our live meeting tonight. (Make sure you get on the spoonie study email list to get those tools sent to your inbox tomorrow!)⠀ ⠀ I can’t wait to discuss chapter 1 next Thursday (at 7 pm EST!) ⠀ ⠀ #biblestudy #spooniestudy #livingthechronicillnesslife

Matthew 18:20, "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them”⠀ .⠀ .⠀ A couple nights ago, Jared and I spent some time in prayer before heading to bed. We hadn’t been praying together as consistently as we would like as we have had a lot of unexpected challenges in our lives lately. We came to the realization that we haven't spent consistent time together with God because we have been "too busy and too tired” dealing with all of the new and uncertain things in our lives. I love the quote that tells you to start replacing "I can't" with "it's not a priority," that is the quote that keeps coming to my mind⠀ .⠀ .⠀ There is a great importance in spending time with God individually, but there is also great power in spending time with God together. We know from Matthew 18:20 that yes we need time alone with God, but as a couple we need to spend time with Him together as well⠀ .⠀ .⠀ If your life has been chaotic too I encourage you, your significant other, and your family to start slow and make time for Him tonight. Life doesn’t have to be perfect for God to hear us, 5 minutes is better than no minutes, we all have to start somewhere⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #timewithGod #dailydevotional #livingthechronicillnesslife

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”⠀ ‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭4:12‬ ‭⠀ ⠀ When I think of my care team, there are so many who are involved and support me. Out of everyone though there is a core team made up of Jared, my parents, and myself; we call ourselves “the quad.” We make almost every medical decision together. My parents did an amazing job passing the torch to Jared as my main care-partner, and they leave the torch in his hands while still being vitally influential to my care team. We have found a balance that is so fruitful for all of us.⠀ ⠀ We can’t fight our chronic illnesses alone. Jared and I can’t fight this alone. We need Jesus and family. The four of us are bound in the reckless love of God, fighting together like a braided cord that cannot be easily broken.⠀ ⠀ I am so blessed and privileged to have such a supportive family and tight friend circle. I pray that everyone can find their “quad.” After an appointment this morning where we tag teamed, aka we did the appointment together but my dad brought me back home after so Jared could head to work. (Thanks dad!)⠀ ⠀ We work hard as a family to find the joy in the fight because we know that God is present even in this hardship, and He can fill us with joy in all circumstances when we ask Him too. We used today’s appointment as an opportunity to have a spontaneous father daughter date for brunch. Thank you dad for being an awesome #dadvocate and for seizing the moment and taking advantage of me feeling well enough for brunch! I love you and I am so grateful to go through life with you and be your daughter.⠀ ⠀ #quad #fatherdaughter #livingthechronicillnesife

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”⠀ ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭17:22‬ ‭NLT‬‬⠀ ⠀ A year ago today, we accessed my port for the first time. The port was placed on February 6, 2019, and was accessed on February 14, 2019. Jared and I don't really like valentines day (sorry it's just not our thing,) so the 14th has become a victorious day that we remember and celebrate God's faithfulness.⠀ ⠀ Now I know this may seem strange, especially because the port was not what we wanted. So why do we celebrate this? Well, we did and do because this was how God chose to answer our prayers for a way to be out of the hospital more. It wasn't the faithfulness we were anticipating, but it was the faithfulness we got. Sometimes God doesn't answer our prayers how we feel they should be answered, but just because things aren't the way we want them to be does not mean that God is not faithful or undeserving of our gratitude (considering we are undeserving of His grace, faithfulness, and love.)⠀ ⠀ We celebrated the day of my first access at home and my first infusion (yes there was confetti involved because I firmly believe that you can't celebrate without confetti.) Anyways, the post was met with some confusion and by looking back we can see why. When the day came to access my port for the first time, we had accepted that this was our reality. We chose to celebrate His faithfulness of receiving home care, and this was how we chose to cope with it.⠀ ⠀ Yes we were grateful, after waiting faithfully for God to open up the door for me to be at home more, but even though we asked for His will... this wasn't what we wanted. We shared the celebration publicly, but we hid the fear, anxiety, disappointment, and sadness over needing a central line.⠀ ⠀ I still don’t like my port, but God gives us the grace and strength we need to get through each day. If you find yourself receiving faithfulness in a way you didn’t expect (even though you don’t need my permission) I want you to know from my own experience, that you can still celebrate- even if the victory doesn’t look like what you thought it would. #celebrate #Godisfaithful #livingthechronicillnesslife

“The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory. This is my God, and I will praise him— my father’s God, and I will exalt him!” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭15:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬ . . . Getting a stair lift is a victory! We waited for a long time, I think hoping that I wouldn’t need it and that it was an expense we wouldn’t have to pay. Since Aug 2017, Jared has faithfully carried me up to our bedroom and down every single day . . . This freedom is not lost on us, we didn’t have it for SO long and we won’t ever forget these years. To wake up this morning and get up and ready on my own timing was mind blowing. I didn’t realize how much I missed that independence . . . The future is accessible, my friend. It is not easy to come by (or cheap) but this independence is priceless . . . PS I took the seat belt off for the pic- don’t worry y’all I’m being safe 😆 #Godisgood #thefutureisaccessible #livingthechronicillnesslife

The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:22-23⠀ ⠀ One year ago today, God showed His faithfulness in a way I hadn’t anticipated. That was through a plastic device placed in my chest. For a little over 10 months, we prayed that the Lord would bring about a way to decrease my time in the hospital and increase my time at home. I mean I would rather be be uncomfortable in my own home than to be uncomfortable at the hospital.⠀ ⠀ I think of the quote that has truly changed my life from one of @laracasey books where she talks about the phrase “She believed she couldn’t so He did.” I didn’t think I was going to make it through that port surgery. I didn’t think I would be able to handle a needle going into my chest every single week for 52 weeks straight and counting. I didn’t think that I could handle all the different things that this illness brings and I’m right. ⠀ ⠀ I couldn’t but God can.⠀ ⠀ He has given Jared and I all that we need to face each day. He has given us all the courage, all the strength, and all the support to go through this and you know what’s amazing about all of this? Is that I have not had to have a full hospital admission in 12 months. That’s amazing. I prayed for 10 months that God would allow me to be at home more and out of the hospital and He delivered by allowing me to receive care at home.⠀ ⠀ That freedom is life changing, and I know I’m not going to be able to stay out of the hospital for forever but I am so blessed that at this time in my life that is an option for me.⠀ ⠀ So today on my port-a-versary I am going to choose to be grateful for a better quality of life and more time at home despite all the hurt and frustration. If you are struggling today, know that God will give you all you need to get through things He has asked you to walk through, one day at a time, because His faithfulness is greater than our fears.⠀ ⠀ #portaversary #chronicallycultivating #livingthechronicillnesslife

“Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.”⠀ ‭‭James‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭NLT‬‬⠀ ⠀ ⠀ Every day is a gift. Days like today are easy for me to see that! Getting sister time is so life giving. I love my sisters so much and treasure the time I get with them (especially when they have such crazy schedules.) ⠀ ⠀ These past few days I have been tackling my days hour by hour. It has not been desirable or easy. During these times I find myself challenged to see God’s “gift” in this present life. By His grace I made it through to this weekend and put my phone down to cherish what was in front of me- my wonderful siblings.⠀ ⠀ ⠀ Having siblings who have worked hard to understand my challenges and celebrate life along side me is something I try hard to not take for granted.⠀ ⠀ ⠀ This life we have is a gift, yes there are days where it doesn’t feel like it (for freakin’ sure) but capturing these good moments help me remember all the blessings of this life.⠀ ⠀ Having these photos doesn’t necessarily “fix” the pain for make it better, but it does remind me that there are good days in between. Little life giving “gifts” He gives me along the way.⠀ ⠀ #sisters #gratitude #livingthechronicillnesslife

Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy Psalm 126:5⠀ ⠀ This past week, I had the pleasure of introducing you to my mentor in the most recent Chronically Cultivating episode! We talked about her LIFE CHANGING philosophy on joy. ⠀ ⠀ “And I used to pray this prayer every morning, ‘God you got me into this and You’re going to get me through it.’ I began to think about joy as I didn’t have any. So I began to ask God to fill me with His joy because I had this gaping hole inside of me. Everything was gone, Bob eventually didn’t even know who I was, or my name, I was just ‘the nice lady who took care of him’ (I was grateful he called me a nice lady) but it was like I was standing at the crossroads and I had a choice.⠀ ⠀ I could be angry, bitter, and self centered but I made a choice, in that moment, that I was not-and would not- become a bitter woman. So again I asked God to fill me with more of Himself and then I began to think of Joyful and then joy filled and what the difference is.⠀ ⠀ The huge difference is that joy-full depends on me (and I had every reason at that moment not have any joy) but I didn’t want to live without joy, so I asked God to fill me and then it just changed my world....”⠀ ⠀ ⠀ To hear more of this amazing philosophy that has literally allowed me to understand joy in a way I never have before click the link in my bio that says, latest Chronically Cultivating podcast to head straight to Episode 32!⠀ ⠀ #choosejoy #chronicallycultivating #livingthechronicillnesslife

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